The majority of the time, many of us live as if there will be no end to our days. We stay in unfulfilling careers. We remain in unhappy relationships.
By Grace Cherian
Death is perhaps the most constructive fact of our existence. If youâ€™re aware of death throughout your life, it can help you develop the healthiest perspective.
Countless people throughout history knew this too. The ancient Greeks used to ‘practice death every day,’ and the Toltecs (a Spanish culture in South Americaâ€ would use death as ‘fuel to live and to love.’ They used death as a constant to live more boldly, more kindly and with less fear.
The Good News About Death
The good news about death is knowing that our limited days on earth give us ultimate impetus to live with less fear and more intention.
The majority of the time, many of us live as if there will be no end to our days. We stay in unfulfilling careers. We remain in unhappy relationships. We will travel the world ‘one day.’ We fail to tell people how much they matter to us. We hide our real truth, gifts, or talents from the world because we are scared of being judged and criticized.
Bronnie Ware’s book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, is an international bestseller Ware was a hospice nurse in Australia for several years and cared for patients in the last few weeks of their lives. She writes with incredible clarity how similar regrets surfaced again and again.
There was never any mention of insufficient status, undelivered revenge or sadness over not being the thinnest, prettiest, or most famous. These were the most common regrets.
The 5 Most Common Regrets
1. I wish Iâ€™d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
â€œThis was the most common regret of all,â€ Ware writes. â€œWhen people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even half of their dreams and had to die knowing it was due to choices they had made or not made.â€
2. I wish I hadnâ€™t worked so hard.
â€œAll of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.â€
3. I wish Iâ€™d had the courage to express my feelings.
â€œMany people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.â€
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
â€œOften they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks, and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort they deserved.â€
5. I wish I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called â€˜comfortâ€™ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content.
Get Clear on What You Want
Hereâ€™s an exercise you can do at home to figure out what you want to do, have, and be during your precious days on earth.
Take an hour to be quiet with yourself, a time without distractions when you will not be interrupted. Picture yourself in your elderly years. Attempt to see your life through the lens of your 80- or even 90-year-old self.
Start a conversation with this wiser, older version of you. Be blatantly honest. Ask yourself:
* What do I really, really, really want?
* Where am I holding back?
* What will I congratulate myself for having the courage to do, right now?
* What part of myself do I really need to honour and be true to (even if this goes against othersâ€™ expectations of me)?
* What really makes me feel happy and alive?
* How can I make my happiness and my truth my number one priority?
It’s up to you to get the highest possible return on every day of your limited life. You can eradicate these potential regrets, starting now.
Whenever you think upon these questions, keep that older version of yourself in mind constantly. And every day, with every small action you take in the direction of your personal truth and happiness, he or she will be there, encouraging you. And he or she will be smiling.